1 hr to a year older.

This is the first time that I am not excited to celebrate my birthday. Its not that i am afraid of getting old but i just did not seem to be in the mood of celebrating. As maybe i feel there is nothing to celebrate. Nothing exciting or deserving to celebrate. Its just getting a year older. No big deal. Its like my soul has lost its sparkle. I really wish it will be back soon, that i can find it back soon.

Tears for Smiles..

History is repeating again.. I can sense you turning away from me again. I think this is just how you are. You are turning away. I am not going to stop you. You are not looking back as you walk away. You try to be quiet and sneak away but i can feel the distance even though it is not obvious. You walk away and i am not going to chase or stop you. Maybe you are not mine to keep and your smile that night when you read her msg has made it clear. Each Smile I show when i talk about you is an exchange of 10 tearful times i cry for you. It hurts even more that it is the second time i let you do this to me. Maybe I feel for you coz you are my first boyfriend and a man of a few of my first times. Even though you are moving away, i will still be a friend to you. I wish you well and joy. If you are happy so will i be happy... Good luck and happiness to both of us...

Hopes dashed...

I decided that its not my cup of tea or should i say it was not mine in the first place so what is there to choose. I will try every effort to change my feeling and thought about it. It would be easier now then later. It was almost a fairytale for me but this is reality. So i have to live with it and move on.

A walk since a long time...

Today i was supposed to meet a friend for his birthday dinner but last min he had a family dinner. Somethings happen yesterday and today made me think very hard. I always wanted something so simple but yet it has become so difficult to understand. Today was a thunderous and rainy day. I walk from Somersert all the way home. I wanted to walk through the rain and hear the raindrops on my umbrella... I wanted to hear the rain as my thought raced through my mind. It was a long walk but when I got home. I did not feel tired. I was very calm throughout the walk. Everyone was running and hurrying to get out of the rain but i was no hurry. I almost wanted to walk as slow as i can untill i got my thought sorted out But the rain was not going to wait for me. It stopped when i was almost home. My thoughts was still as messed up but i manage to make a decision but i am not sure if i can follow through.