Today is Christmas Day...Its a day which represent great joy and passion a father has for his children that he give his beloved to them.. I was checking my email today.. I receive a email from my daddy.. i just saw him the other day before, and he send me an email the next day.. how strange!? Anyway the title of his email was "Change of our lives"....its ironic how my dad can talk to me and find it easier to drop me a mail of his feeling ( Maybe that is where i got the genes where i cant express my thoughts and true feeling well by talking but i do better with writing ) But we are family, is it supposed to be difficult? His letter was full of how he will be earning less and will not be able to earn as much as he is earning now..That i need to be careful with my money, how i should live within my means and save more money... All these things are not difficult to say at all... This is a very normal parent talk which a dad would have with his children...Why is difficult for my dad to talk to me? Is it because I am very difficult... He went on to "he understand that i have been through a lot of changes, which is why he has be spoiling me and soon he will not be able to do that.." What hurt me the most in the email was definitely the part where he said that it was difficult to speak to me face to face and he could express what was on his mind.
I give you an insight of my relationship with my Dad... We have a Love-Hate relationship (maybe only on my part, i don't know). The ONLY reason i love my dad is because he is my dad, he is the man who give me this life....which is also the reason i hate him, because i hate my life...Although I have live a slight above average life... I may not lack in materiel needs but I feel I lack in the emotional needs.. Its the lack in parent's true love and bond i guess.. Every time i try to recall a good moment with my dad... i can't seem to do so, no matter how hard i can try but i will never come to mind.. What i remember of my dad is the punishment..I admit i was quite the rebel when i was young but the punishment i got for my actions were way too much.You can never imagine how "creative or innovation" a parent can get just to inflict the pain element into your head. I blame him for the situation my family is in...Broken, Divided, Unhappiness lurking... I also blame him for the bad Karma i have with men... Reason to back it up : Parent's retribution on the children..My dad is the ultimate player..i have not seen or know anyone who has done a better feat then him.. He has a way with women and cheats on them with their knowledge...I was in and out of a 7 year long relationship....i never had a really good relationship... That guy took away 50% or even 75% of trust in relationship... that i have yet to meet anyone who i can say can truly bring the feeling back... I have become very practical about relationship...i would have analysed the whole relationship even before it even started...
I hoped my relationship with my dad will be able to improve some day like what happen between my mummy and i...
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